Shaping Tomorrow: Are We Building Our Cities the Right Way? An Invitation to Discuss the Future of Real Estate

 When I first closely studied a city blueprint – those intricate maps dictating where schools, supermarkets, residential zones, shopping facilities, doctors, and pharmacies should ideally be within walking distance – I was utterly fascinated. For hours, I'd pore over the details, lost in the logic of planned communities.

Yet, a stark reality often strikes me: in many of our cities, this ideal planning is far from achieved. Buildings spring up, seemingly at random, and infrastructure like roads has to be shoehorned in retrospectively. It often feels like one problem simply gives birth to the next.

I've often found myself wondering: Is it truly feasible to build underground subways in already developed areas? Would we need to demolish existing structures, compensating owners? Who would ever be okay with their home being destroyed, and where would they live? These are fundamental, weighty questions that demand thoughtful answers.

 

A Journey Through Urban Perspectives

Years later, sitting in an urban planning seminar, tasked with critiquing buildings and their surroundings, my observations continued. "Yes, this area lacks sufficient green spaces, it's rather overcrowded." I pondered: are towering skyscrapers and additional subways, on top of our existing transport networks, genuinely the optimal path forward?

This tension between rigid structure and natural flow always makes me think of the legendary architect Zaha Hadid. When she first broke onto the scene, people widely believed her fluid, radical urban visions were completely impossible to build. Critics wanted the short way out—the standard, predictable linear grid. But she firmly believed that buildings shouldn't just be box-shaped blocks, and she famously refused to draw straight lines. You can see this absolute defiance of the box in her masterpiece, the Heydar Aliyev Center, where the walls, floors, and roof melt into a single, breathtaking white wave. Her courage proved that these sweeping, organic ideas could physically exist in our real world, showing that architecture can bend to serve human imagination rather than forcing us to live inside rigid, soul-crushing concrete boxes.

Zaha Hadid's masterpiece: The Heydar Aliyev Center in Baku. (Photo: Azerbaijan.travel)

Then, a course on Gender Perspectives on Urban Development shifted my entire outlook. I began to view my surroundings through a completely different lens. My focus moved to the basics: Where are the accessible walkways and pavements for strollers? Are there enough safe playgrounds for children? Are there convenient seating areas for mothers to rest after a long walk? Where are the community gardens where families can enjoy picnics? And how do we ensure universal access to clean, safe water?

Boredom: the Mother of Creativity

I read an article recently about how social interaction helps us to function at our very best. Our minds are built to connect, to talk, and to share.

But imagine for a second if it all went quiet. Imagine a world where you are just hearing the birds whispering and the oceans clashing; the steady dribbling of the water droplets, the quiet ballet of the falling leaves, the sudden whoosh of a blowing wind.

Imagine there was no music, no movies, no social media—nothing.

We would still find a way to entertain ourselves. We always do. I believe entertainment is out way of escaping that heavy, natural silence. But here is the thing: When the silence starts speaking, the ideas begin to flow. And when we create something to escape boredom, we end up building the exact bridge we need to connect with each other.

It is a full circle moment. We need social interaction to function, boredom forces us to create culture and that culture gives us the very things we need to communicate and interact.

Think about it. It is this desperate need to bridge the gap between us that makes us build human culture. We created Easter and Christmas traditions, beauty pageants like Miss World and Miss Universe. We created wrestling, reality TV, news and gossip, the Dr. Phil Show, City Marathons, and endless series.



Image source: magnific.com




We come home after a long day of work and put on a movie or a favorite episode. And what do we do the next morning? We talk about it. The entertainment dissolves the boredom, and then it feeds our social connection.

I once heard that because there was not so much entertainment in the past, that is why people gave birth a lot! It makes sense, right? People had to find a way to interact.

We make up things just to "happy ourselves" and give us reasons to gather. In winter, we have the Christmas Markets. In spring, the Spring Festival. In summer, we have open-air concerts. In autumn, we find Halloween and Thanksgiving. We are constantly inventing seasons of celebration so we don't have to face the quiet alone.

Some people make it their job to entertain us. And while it looks easy on the outside, it does not always. It takes immense work to turn a lonely thought into a shared reality.

-● A thought becomes an idea which beats a music that is sang years and years on.
-● A thought becomes a surgical step that is learnt decades on.
-● A thought becomes a book that is studied in schools for centuries.
-● An idea becomes a world-famous painting celebrated for years, like the Mona Lisa or a Michelangelo masterpiece.

These ideas live on for generations to profit from. Our thoughts lead to our passion, and our passion leads to the things that bring us together.

In a way, boredom is the director of the movie. He sees the vision from afar and directs the scene. We need boredom to step in. If we are always distracted, the director never gets to call "Action."

The poet Joseph Brodsky once wrote: "When hit by boredom, go for it. Let yourself be crushed by it; submerge, hit bottom... the sooner you hit bottom, the faster you surface." What would happen if we didn’t fear being bored? What if we let ourselves hit the bottom of the quiet, so we could surface with something new?

Like I always say, Ideas are Currency.

The Power of the Moment: Why the First Impression Matters—and Why It Doesn't Always

There are moments that hold a special place in our hearts forever. The "firsts." Your first real love, the first home, the first major success—these moments profoundly shape who we are.

And then there is the first impression. The tricky thing about the first impression isn't that it's unnecessary, but that it's incredibly difficult to change later on. It's the unspoken, yet crucial, starting line for every new relationship, every encounter, every change.



We all know this feeling, especially in the professional world: In the first week of a new job, people feel they have to push their absolute hardest. They're not just showing who they are, but who they aspire to be. They're essentially putting on a "show"—that intense urge to constantly prove themselves and over-impress.

For more expert advice on the initial seven seconds, see this guide from TIME Magazine on How To Make The Best First Impression



But no matter how hard you try to "sell yourself" or "put on a performance" in that initial phase, it always comes down to the same thing: People see you, and they immediately make a critical assessment: "How much respect am I going to give this person?"

The Loss of Community: The Price Tag of Modern Civilization

     I recently spoke with a Filipino friend who mentioned he doesn't even know his neighbors. Everyone lives in their own sealed apartment, and the unwritten social contract of checking on one another seems to be gone. When you mention you're new or struggling, the subtle, modern message we often hear is, "Don't bring your burden here." This makes us wonder: Where is the safety net? The true cost of civilization, it often feels like, is the birth of selfishness.

     I recall watching an interview with actress Aishwarya Rai, where the interviewer was astonished that she still lives with her extended family. Big house, big family – no need to hire a nanny when a supportive structure is in place. Our modern imperative, however, is "I want my own place, you have to go." This drives us to extremes, such as men calculating relationship expenses, hoping the partner will pay them back in case of a breakup.

     This painful lack of a support structure is exactly why a new mother shouldn't have to feel overwhelmed, but so many do. Actress Jennifer Lawrence recently drove this point home, noting that the absence of a community made her first postpartum period "extremely isolating." She speaks for countless women struggling in a society that champions individualism over communal care.

Read the full interview with Jennifer Lawrence here. ← (This text is hyperlinked)

     It is no coincidence that depression is on the rise with civilization. What the hell is this "civilization" if it makes us sick? Sometimes, the best advice we can give patients as doctors is simply to encourage them to join a self-help group or Rehabilitation sports—to return to where community still exists.

     The most frustrating part is having to make appointments just to see one another. Where is the genuine community in that? You can't just pass by to drop something off. When you truly need something, the act of reaching out becomes an anxiety-filled event: 

The Power of personal and corporate branding: How Consistency & Authenticity Build Trust and Opportunity

"Ever notice how Hollywood just loves to put one person center stage at a time? They pick a 'face of the brand,' someone who embodies everything they want to sell. Take Kendall Jenner, for example. She reportedly got paid a massive amount—I'm talking millions—just to be the face of L'Oréal. That's because she already has a strong personal brand, associated with fame and a certain lifestyle, and the company knew they'd profit from that connection. That's branding in action, right there."

Building Your Digital Footprint

 In today's interconnected world, an online presence is no longer optional; it's essential. Whether through a personal website, a business profile, or social media, being online allows you to control your narrative. I've personally experienced the reach of a digital presence: people I don't know personally, and have never even told I have a blog, will tell me, "I read your blog, THE SMILING DREAMS. I love it so much!" This demonstrates the power of a consistent online footprint in attracting an audience.

The Essence of Consistency and Authenticity

A key element of effective branding is consistency. Your audience needs to know you'll always be there, reliably present. This commitment can even influence real-world opportunities; some jobs, for instance, are contingent on a stable local presence. On social media platforms like Instagram, consistency can manifest as a specific aesthetic or an elegant feed. Investing in your page's overall look and feel – its aesthetics – is truly worthwhile, as it creates an immediate impression and reinforces your brand identity.

However, consistency must be paired with authenticity. Some brands are merely a facade, and discerning customers quickly see through it.

Ideas are Currency: A Guide to Protecting Intellectual Property

“What is the most resilient parasite?Bacteria? A virus? An intestinal worm? An idea. Resilient. . . highly contagious. Once an idea has taken hold of the brain it’s almost impossible to eradicate. An idea that is fully formed — fully understood — that sticks; right in there somewhere” 

 - Leonardo DiCaprio in Inception (2010)

Ideas pop up in our brains every day and some have a wonder to them that can set a series of far-reaching success. And can change EVERYTHING. That's why you have to turn your ideas real. It is easy to assume that you need extreme preparation and connections to make it work, but sometimes you just have to take the first step and that could be wildly exhilarating! 

 

 As you are manifesting your ideas in to reality and monetising them, you got to protect yourself from cancerous thieves ready to kick you in the balls. Because an idea is not enough. This brings me to the concept of intellectual property. An intellectual property in its purest form is an idea. Through patents, trademarks, copyrights and trade secrets we protect our ideas. 

 

Patents: Securing Your Invention

A patent is a grant that gives an inventor a temporary monopoly on the use and development of an invention. Companies like Apple, Google, and Microsoft thrive not just on their physical products but on the innovative ideas that propel their development, which are often protected by patents. Bill Gates, for example, built an empire by creating patents on software, becoming one of the richest people in the world. The goal of a patent is to allow you to make money from your invention—whether through licensing, selling it, or building your own company—before it becomes public domain.

Trademarks: Protecting Your Brand

A trademark gives you the exclusive right to use a word, logo, or phrase in a particular country and industry. It protects your brand identity. A famous example is the 2017 legal battle between Kylie Minogue and Kylie Jenner. Minogue successfully prevented Jenner from trademarking their shared first name “Kylie” for her new beauty brand. Had Jenner been successful, no one else could have used that brand identity without facing a legal battle for infringement.

Copyrights: Safeguarding Creative Works

Copyrights are meant to protect creative works such as books, movies, music, and characters. Unlike trademarks, copyrights don't have to be registered to exist. If you listen to a hit song that samples another track, the original copyright holders—the songwriters and producers of the sampled song—are entitled to a big portion of the revenue. This compensation is typically referred to as a royalty.

Trade Secrets: Keeping It Confidential

Some companies use a trade secret to protect their intellectual assets, such as a recipe, manufacturing process, or technology. These are meant to be kept strictly confidential. The formulas for the Starbucks Frappuccino, KFC, and Krispy Kreme are all considered trade secrets. They remain undisclosed and outside the public domain, ensuring competitors can't gain access to the formula. If someone happens to leak a trade secret, you can sue them for misappropriation, provided a non-disclosure agreement was signed beforehand.

A Final Word on Contracts

In an age where ideas are the real currency, it's crucial to protect them. Remember the poignant rift between Sylvester Stallone and Irwin Winkler over the Rocky franchise. Stallone had ignorantly and naively sold the rights to the film when he was a struggling actor and had no idea how massive it would become. Before signing any agreement or contract, thoroughly read and red-line it. Don’t sign away your life, your image, and your rights without fully understanding what you’re giving up.

The sci-fi movie parallel 2018 could not do more justice in letting us know how powerful ideas truly are, and why we have to protect them.

This leaves us with a critical question: Do you think creators are doing enough to protect their intellectual property, or is more education needed? Share your thoughts below!

BREASTFEEDING: AN UNSUNG MIRACLE

The whitish creamish substance scribbled all over her T-Shirt. Just when she thought she had cleaned all of it up, a droplet oozed out and moved a mini-micro millimeter in the wrong direction. She mentally sighed and finally decided to wear a new top all together. As a lactating mother, she always had to be prepared for those instances when her breast milk leak, soaking her dress. Thanks to her padded bra and her pump, those instances were becoming rarer and rarer. However, that didn't stop her from deciding to breastfeed her son till he was 2 years 6 months. After all, the World Health Organization advises that we breastfeed even after baby turns one year.

I totally concur with this recommendation because breastfeeding has so many numerous benefits that can be stretched from the earth to the sky. For instance, breast milk contains omega-3 and omega- 6 fatty acids (PUFAs) which are of critical importance for the development of the brain and nervous system. Breast milk also protect the baby from illness as it contains antibodies and other active substances. It is in this light that I do make it a point to make sure my patients are taught how to properly breastfeed their babies before they are finally discharged. What we don't want to see is a mother coming again with a jaundiced baby. God in his infinite wisdom created the sincerest and purest form of equity that lies in breastfeeding. Women no matter their race or socio-economic status have the most natural means to provide essential nutrients to their babies through breastfeeding. Truth be told, a good maternity bra that offers comfort, support and convenience, makes all the differences. Imagine it being so comfy that you can sleep in or even swim in it in peace and quiet. Finding such a comfortable bra can sometimes be daunting. And that’s why Rihanna deserves all the flowers for creating one that is just right.

Although the world breastfeeding week was celebrated during the first week in August, its message is timeless, "Let's make breastfeeding and work, work!" To be honest, we cannot talk about breastfeeding without talking about the duration of Maternity leave. Sometimes, it is considered a frivolous amusement, rather than a serious call to action. That is the main reason we should applaud countries that make paid maternity leave a priority. Breastfeeding without doubt is a wonder and a truly Unsung Miracle.

HEALTH, SACRIFICES AND WHAT NOT

While watching Inventing Anna, I realised that Money, Power, Image & Love are what tend to motivate people. Nevertheless, you are not going to enjoy these if you are not healthy. Rightly said, "health is wealth." One that is usually not appreciated until it's no more. 

DISEASE OUTBREAK RESPONSE

Got in Satan's halitosis with no escape, earnestly struggling for air. That is how it felt trying to dissect this medical mystery. 

A Wedding, a Pandemic, and the Lessons in Between

After a beautiful wedding ceremony, Mr. X began to feel an unexplained eeriness. His temperature rose gradually until he was boiling hot, and his bowels began to spew their contents with the rapidity of a tornado. His whole world suddenly changed. Instead of enjoying his honeymoon, he was confined to the four corners of a hospital room with IV medications connected to his veins.

 

The Unfolding Mystery

From then on, things went from bad to worse. The very next day, Mr. X had reddened eyes, and on auscultation, a diastolic murmur was heard. His blood pressure was dropping by the second, necessitating a dobutamine infusion for days. It was clear this was not a simple case of enteric fever. There were more questions than answers.

A diagnosis of viral hemorrhagic fever was being contemplated, with the Marburg virus as a leading concern, as it had recently been confirmed in Ghana. It was a Herculean task to get his sample to an accredited facility for proper analysis. Although, in this case, it turned out not to be Marburg, the experience revealed significant gaps in our healthcare system.

 

A Deeper Dive and a New Perspective

Somehow, there was a solution to it all. An echocardiogram revealed that he had viral myopericarditis. A deeper dive into his history revealed that he had been diagnosed with Covid-19 two months prior, and he was now suffering from post-Covid complications.

More than ever, Covid-19 has shown the grueling impact of a pandemic and the essence of having a robust disease outbreak response. Undeniably, its roar and subsequent backfired triumph led to better advances in public health.

 

Moving Forward

Our disease outbreak response should be nothing but top-notch. With the advent of Digital Disease Detection (DDD), sequencing of viral genomes, and rapid diagnostic tests, we should be singing a different tale.

On July 23, 2022, Director-General Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus, PhD, declared the monkeypox outbreak a Public Health Emergency of International Concern (PHEIC). This was a step in the right direction, given that it took so long for SARS-CoV-2 to be declared a public health emergency. 

Knowledge is power, so be aware and stay safe!

7 LESSONS FROM THE ULTIMATE CULT CLASSIC DIRTY DANCING THAT YOU CAN USE TODAY

I was randomly searching for a dance movie when I chanced upon Dirty Dancing, a rare and mystical cosmic finding. Primarily, it's a coming-of-age story that revolves around Frances "Baby" Houseman, who goes on a summer vacation with her family at a resort and ends up falling in love with the charismatic dance instructor, Johnny Castle. The editing, cinematography, and sound were pure excellence, but what truly resonated was how it subtly touched on powerful themes of classicism, prejudice, and justice. And of course, there’s the Oscar-winning song, "(I've Had) The Time of My Life," which perfectly accompanies the phenomenal final choreography.

Beyond the iconic dance moves and the sizzling romance, the film is packed with powerful lessons that still hold true today. Here are seven of the most important takeaways from Dirty Dancing.

Tell the Truth

I am of the view that if Johnny hadn't taken responsibility for Penny's pregnancy, he would have had a better start with her father, Jake Houseman. In essence, don't blatantly shoulder another's burden when you aren't sure that they would do the same for you.

Believe in Yourself

You can do anything you put your mind to. Believing in yourself has to be innate and organic. Baby showed that trait the moment she committed to learning the Mambo.

Be Helpful

Who would have known that helping with the watermelons was going to open up a whole new world for Baby? Who would have known that volunteering to cover for Penny would lead to her learning some intricate dance moves?

Be Brave and Prepared

The film depicted the injustice to entertainers—where they are forced to stick to a particular formula because that has always been what worked. For Johnny, even though he was fired, he was brave enough to step on the stage to deliver the final dance he always did. Oo, the Johnny came prepared to slay. Even though Baby didn't have the heads up about Johnny's storming in, she was dressed to perfection.

Speak Up

Stand up for yourself and for others. As Frances Houseman so famously said, "Nobody puts Baby in a corner.” She was so willing to speak up in defense of Johnny as an alibi, knowing the possible consequences.

Practice Makes Perfect

In the beginning, Baby was such a terrible dancer, but after weeks of constant practice, she nailed the Mambo and gave us the climactic lift.

Be humble

It was so bold of Mr Houseman to admit his wrong into he end. Like they say, pride goes before a fall.

Still smiling in the dream world... 

FROM SCRIPT TO SCREEN: THE FILMMAKING PROCESS

Have you ever watched a movie, then said to yourself "it could have been better"? As innocuous as the question may be, you must realise that it shows your potential film making prowess. When I first watched the sun is also a star, I was really moved by the storyline, but I did not like the cinematography. So I did what any normal human being would do, I googled the ratings and checked its performance at the box office. Truth be told,  it was abysmal.

Boredpanda.com

Most people watch rom- coms for the feel good effect, but looking beyond that, there is a lot more to learn. When you are able to dissect a film and write what you like and what you don't like about it, you learn so much more. That's what most film directors, actors and producers do. They incorporate the lessons in their future projects, and boom we have blockbusters!

I love to dance, more than anything I love to write. It is amazing how from a writer's mind, we end up with timeless classics and blockbusters. When Margaret Mitchell wrote the novel, Gone with the wind in 1936, she did not anticipate how massive it was going to be. Immediately it was adapted to film, it set a whole different tone and vibe in film making. Ultimately, 1939's Gone with the wind, the first multicolored film, has received 10 Academy awards  and holds the title of highest grossing film of all time when adjusted for infation. Though it has been deemed problematic in the wake of the black lives matter movement,  we cannot deny its pure genuity. 

In the same vein, 1941's Citizen Kane, 1972's Godfather, 1997's Titanic and a host of others have led to modern remakes, sequels and derivatives. For instance, If you've watched closely, you see striking similarities between 2001's  white chicks and the 1959's Some like it hot.

 

With the advent of Computer- generated Imagery (CGI), filmmaking and story telling have conquered new feats where fantasy and reality are seemingly one. The marvel cinematic universe, star wars, jurassic park and DC extended universe franchises are proof of the wonder of CGI.

Elitereaders.net

From the gruelling process in the writing room where scripts are revised and rewritten to when they are finally end up on our screens, this whole film making process can be said to be an arduous yet satisfying one. As I am editing a self made film and adding music here and there,  I challenge you to write down a list of 10 films you have watched more than once and what made each special.

 

Here is my list:  

1. To all the boys I've loved before

2. Pretty Woman

3. Legally Blonde

4. Mr and Mrs. Smith

5. 16 candles

6. The devil wears Prada

7. Bridget Jones' Diary

8. The Princess Diaries

9. Miss congeniality

10. Creed

Thanks for stopping by. 

With love, 

Liz.

Still smiling in the dream world...

TAKING THE POLITICS OUT OF POLITICS

Day in and day out, there is a new story about another gargantuan loan the incumbent government has gone for. These come with stringent and dreadful conditions that are concealed from the citizens. Indeed, this whole pandemic has served invariably as a portal for politicians to hoard money in the full glaring view of the populace. And when questioned, they mumble fallacies. But after all, we are in an election year. You catch my drift?

On the campaign train, big promises are made, yet almost never fulfilled. What they sell is almost always a facade. And that triggers doubt about the appeal of the whole process. It is sometimes irritating when the ruling government is so bent on not continnuing laudable projects of the past administration or imbibing the ideal ideas of the opposition. The bigotry of it all! 

It is tempting to fall into comparison, thinking that the grass is greener elsewhere, but they've all got their issues; issues of control of the democracy by funders and what's more. Nevertheless, politics, though not perfect, works. 

Politics is so much interwined with our daily lives, yet sadly majority care less about it or simply know only enough to carry on a conversation. This apolitical attitude stems from people feeling incapable of making input to the change. So most end up being preoccupied with solely what's happening in their own little corner and solving their own manageable problems.

Like Pericles stated, "Just because you do not take interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't affect you". The price of the product you buy at the grocery store and even health insurance are all dictated by politics. Again, the locomotion during this social distancing period and likely, the distribution of covid- 19 vaccines are prevised by politics. 

Politics is about creating an atmosphere of growth and advancement,  justice and peace. However,  when the true essence of politics is lost, it becomes a factory for making personal wealth and sponsoring egocentric ambitions. Taking the politics out of politics is about being selfless, compassionate and preserving the national heritage. It is call on politicians and citizens alike to be better and do better. 

With love,

Elizabeth.

#takingthepoliticsoutofpolitics #staypositive #staysafe #stayhome  

NAVIGATING THE DEPTHS OF EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE AND DEALING WITH THE VICISSITUDES DURING THIS PANDEMIC

Watching the 2015 animated film, Inside Out was like peering through the depths of emotional intelligence.  For centuries mankind has spared no efforts in finding out the various dimensions of this form of intelligence,  EQ.  The fact that Daniel Goleman's international bestseller 'Emotional Intelliegence' has sold over 5 million copies in 40 different languages proves just that.

gonewiththetwins

Inside out gave a paranomic view of the five core emotions ( Joy, Sadness, Fear,  Anger and Disgust) and how their interplay affects decisions and choices. A teachable lesson from the movie is that every emotion is important and that it is important to get comfortable even with the uncomfortable ones. I have spoken briefly about it in a previous post.  One of the most trying times is navigating emotions following a break-up. You feel all these emotions that are dreaded and yearn for a quick fix. However, it is when you harness and grow out of them, do you see real change. Ultimately, every emotion is "Energy in Motion".

In 1995, Daniel Goleman did propose that emotinal intelligent people have four fundamental capabilities of self- awaressness, self regulation, social awareness and social skils. But, what has really intrigued me about emotionally intelligent people is the fact that they can be very manipulative, yet hardly get manipulated.  Since we all need to know how to spot a user and overall, live in the blissful land of emotional intelligence,  here are 5 steps to achieving that.

Read people
Watch body language, observe and evaluate people's actions and reactions. One thing that most tend to overlook is the fact that reactions are data.

Learn the Fine Art of Communication
Emotionally intelligent people are able to communicate difficult feelings. They don't get irrationally mad with their partners, they say the hard truth in sincerity and love and don't create unnecessary drama. They are assertive and have a laudable ability to listen.

Look at things from a third person view point
Take yourself form the narrative and adress whatever issue you are dealing with as a third party. This detachment allows you to make decisions that are not clouded by emotions. Besides, being skeptical is a good thing. If something sounds to good to be true, then probably it is.

Predict Behaviour, Manage Expectations
The best predictor of future Behavior is past Behavior. Knowing how perosn is likely to act in situation x, y and z, you can better handle expectations. It is best to have low expectations of people; strive to give to yourself,  what you seek for from others, be it vallidation or approval.

Have a Positive Attitude
The key to having a positive attitude is cultivation of positive thoughts. Optimistic individuals do get negative thoughts,  but they quickly replace them with positive ones. Like it is wisely said, a thought precedes an emotion.

          While I am wondering how the heck people are making millions on tiktok during this pandemic, I am tempted to ponder on how others are dealing with the whirlwind collage of emotions. Indeed, this is no time to be hyper- emotional, it is a call for adaptation. It is also a subtle reminder to the 4A's of stress management: avoid,  alter, adapt or accept. De- stress, unwind and find ways of sparkling joy around; put on your fab playlist and have a little dance party. This too shall pass!

          As the sage Lucius Annaeus Seneca said, "If you really want to escape the things that harass you, what you're needing is not to be in a different place but to be a different person".

#Staypositive #Stayhome #Staysafe

OVERSHARING, OVERCORRECTION AND OVERCOMPENSATION

Wait, what?!

When I showed him those private nessages, I inherently regreted in an instant. I was so determined to prove a point, like a lion looking for his dinner, that I divulge to him the must nots. Yet, the relationship remained more slime and sleaze than I could ever imagine. I started bombarding him with messages and calls with the aim of reestablishing a broken connection.  Speak of over compensation!

Over compensation is going to the gym and trying to lift a 100kg when you can only lift 50kg. Overcompensation is striving feverishly to fit in socially that you appear awkward. According to the merriam- webster dictionary,  over compensation is excessive reaction to a feeling of inferiority,  guilt or inadequacy leading to an exaggerated attempt to overcome the feeling. It can sometimes be counterproductive.

You are going to run into people who don't deserve to get to know you on a certain level.  Vulnerability needs to be earned and trust needs to be built.  In one of my posts, I talked of how you crush when you rush in friendship and basically relationships in general. Let your conversations and dealings with others be seasoned with moderation.  You don't have to share everything.

It is amazing how people can share so much about their lives online when in  real life they won't dare do that. Some showing evidence of their apparent best life, pda filled relationships, glamour filled fashion, fierce workouts, botched and seemingly perfect surgeries and misleading advertisement. A lot of it is just smoke and mirrors. It has created this phenomenon where people end up comparing the different chapters of their lives  with those of others, which is unhealthy.

Once an authoritative yet misogynistic teacher gave a female student 12 strong lashes that tore through the bare fleshy skin, because the student stepped  out to the hostel during class hours. He didn't even bother to find out the absolutely valid reason the student went out in the first place. Overcorrection can come in so many spectrums. It is trying so hard to make something right that you go overboard. For instance, when your previous wife doesn't want children and you marry another then have a gazilion babies that you cannot adequately take care of. No need for name calling here.

Be winning in real life and not just on social media; be present, be content, be respectful of  boundaries; be moderate and don't let the actions of others determine your character.  Like a Latin proverb says, too much of anything is bad. Eating is great for the body, however,  delightful over indulgence in even the favorites: chocolates,  donuts, wine, ecetera could lead to obesity. So why don't you evaluate the areas that you are literally going overboard.

WHY SILENCE IS NOT ALWAYS GOLDEN

I used to be mute... it feels weird to even say that now. Lately, I have allowed myself to be assertive. That was not the story before. I guess I wanted to be seen as an angel; not offending anyone; treading so gently so not to hurt a fly. Some ended up interpreteding my kind and considerate manners as a sign of fear. Little did they know they were in for a surprise.

Sometimes, people intentionally test you, to know how far they can go with disrespecting you. When someone says or does something that hurt you, say something. Let them know right there that what they did or said isn't right. Don't overthink it! No one is that important to hold a wholesale department in your mind, speak up and be free. The truth of the matter is that people notice these subtle things and conclude on the level of respect to give you. "So and so did this to her and she didn't say anything,  she must be a weakling". Simply put, it gives people room to take advantage of you. It is better to be called defensive than a weakling.

If you are upset about a situation,  evaluate whether it is worth bringing it up with the person that you are upset with or not. If it isn't worth it, get over it. The hallmark of emotional maturity is the ability to speak up or move on, no in- betweens. Passive aggression and hyperemotion doesn't work. It just makes you look child- like in an adult environment.

The fact is that you can be assertive without being rude, regardless of who you are dealing with, whether boss, ceo or president. It is called the classy or corporate clapback. There are also people who are constantly rude to you, belittling you and always fault finding; for such people even after speaking up, never be friendly with them. It only gives them leeway to wriggle back with there B.S.  Such behavior could be coming from a co- worker or colleague. Be cordial,  straightforward, but not friendly. Let there be a boundary between you two.

What an interesting time this is, to sit with our feelings and have a reality check.  No one is born assertive, it is a skill you have to learn and practise daily. Not speaking up and being silent, in essence means tolerating B.S. and  what you tolerate,  you promote.  Silence is not always golden.

WHY FRIENDSHIP IS JUST LIKE DATING

When I first came aross the concept of dating your friends, I was boodazled.  Over the years, like peeling the layers of an onion, I have come to appreciate it. I have always known that friendship is a responsibility: looking out for another, caring, being reliable and loyal to another. The question is: who are you ready to take up that responsibility for? Just like dating,  we come up with a list of must- haves and deal-breakers.

Source_Pinterest : @vandanabadlani

Observing people's behaviour has actually forced me to search for the beauty in diverse life events. I was enjoying an Iced tea in a particularly popular restaurant when I recognised a familiar face from a distance. Mandy arrived at a reserved table a little after six forty- five. Seconds later, a slim five feet seven inches lady joined her. They talked so much a about nothing.  It was when I caught glimpse of the ultrasound scan could I explain the inexplicable joy that had catapultated the atmosphere. She was even yet to share the news with her husband.  There are friends whom you've been through it all with and see your joy as their joy. This was perfectly capture by the raptuous display of elation by Miss Nigeria when Miss Jamica won the Miss world.  The intimacy of their friendship made me ponder on the gazillion ways friendship is just like dating.

MEETING
Stage one of both friendship and dating is meeting. This could be at the bookclub, church, sports event, class, airplane, ecetera. Somehow, the forces of the universe and perfect timing cause you to meet. Sometimes from the first encounter you notice a spark. Othertimes, it takes several encounters to notice the spark or attraction. One way or another, you keep in touch and this takes you to stage two, the getting to know each other.

KNOWING EACH OTHER 
You arrange to hang out, do fun activities together and enjoy the company of one another. In so doing, you get to know about their background,  their beliefs, their level of integrity, their morals, their character and flaws. You check the list and evaluate the staus of the relationship. In essence, you ascertain whether you want to get closer to this person or not, just like dating.

DEVELOPING TRUST
Proverbs 17 vs 17 says a friend loves at all times. The best proof of love is trust. Trust is fundamental for building emotional intimacy. Does he do what he says he would do? Is the conversation going beyond small talk? Is there respect? Are you able to talk about your feelings and problems without fear? Is the giving and taking at the same wavelength?
If answers to these are positive,  then there is likely trust. In friendship just like dating, trust takes time to build.

BREAK- UP
Break- ups are painful and confusing; occuring for a myriad of reasons. Often we become too complacent and don't put in the effort. There is no reciprocity of love, time and energy or you simply grow apart.  Sometimes distance and silence does the talking causing the relationship to die. Other times you got to blatantly cut them off because they become toxic.
This dynamic happens in both dating and friendship.  But the willingness to work through conflicts, misunderstandings and hurt feelings makes all the difference. Not all end up in break- up.

IF YOU RUSH, YOU CRASH
Everyone need not be your best friend. That is a close and unique relationship. In the same vein, not all dates would end up In boyfriend/ girlfriend status or even marriage. The fact is that when you jump the stages, you crash.
Imagine, faling out with your friend and having them tell your business to other people.
Imagine being emotionally attached to someone, only to realise they are indifferent about you. This happens all too often because we want to jump the stages.

●The difference between the two is that dating is a romantic one.  The truth is that the relationships that start off as friendship have a solid foundation.

Still smiling in the dreamworld...
With love,
Liz.

SILENCE IS A CONVERSATION

The birds were chirping softly, the trees were almost touching the sky, the sunlight sparkled through the canopy of leaves tracing an intricate pattern on the ground and the soil felt moist and crispy beneath my feet. It was pure bliss! In the silence of the moment, I reflected upon my choices and decisions made earlier.  It was almost as if the silence reflected my reality in a different picture, a picture of reasoning. It was at that moment that I came to the epiphany that silence is power.

The magic of solitude and silence is that it gives you the time to watch, think and listen to the world around you. Rightly did Francis Bacon say, " silence is the sleep that nourishes wisdom." This automatic conversation you start having with yourself, when there is silence, ultimately gives a sense of direction and purpose.

I have been on dates where I have talked so much because I dread the awkward silence that spontaneously erupts. But, Communication is a two way process: one is speaking and the other half is listening. And interwoven between the two is Silence. That silence that so many people feel uncomfortable with, has answers. When you pause in your conversation, embracing the silence, you are able to reflect a bit deeper. Your responses tend to show a blend of wisdom and maturity.

When the message you are trying to convey is important, you can't go wrong with having a few silent pauses. This can be so invaluable in business.

Silence is indeed golden. It is one of the best ways of dealing with the not-so-pleasant people in our lives. Not answering gets the message across. Silence means please leave me the heck alone. As Mandy Hale said, " don't waste words on people who deserve your silence.  Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is nothing at all."

Xx,
Liz

Still smiling in the dream world...

THE LITTLE THINGS

The sound of laughter and giggles that filled the room was louder than the blast of a grenade. The smell of hot chocolate, fresh pancakes, the savoury pizza... It was the perfect homemade buffet! Call this the gathering of generations and you are not far from right. It is amazing how the festive season has a way of drawing us all together. And it is these little things light happiness.

Watching the raindrops fall with perfect dexterity, I realised how the little things could have the most profound impact on us: how smiling to a child turns to a therapy; how listening to music triggers our senses; how meaningful hugs and hand holding create the perfect attraction; how genuine acts of kindness give us a reason to smile and how recounting memories make us laugh.

I remember clearly how jogging down the road one morning gave me a deeper appreciation of nature. The freshly cut flowers, the crystal blue sky and even the misty dew sparked an inspiring sense of awe. It is easy to lose sight of the simple things in life, but when we become truly objective and begin to appreciate the little things in our lives that signifies the birth of great transformation.

Enjoy the little things in life because one day, you will look back and realise that those are the big things.

Still smiling in the dream world...

ONE OF LIFE'S GREATEST TREASURES

The sun beamed through the small openings through the blinds signalling the birth of another day of adventure. As part of my morning routine, I love to turn up the music to kick start my day.
While listening to the 1960s respect song by Aretha Franklin, the philosopher in me sought to dissect its lyrics. The climatic break near the end of the song:
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Find out what it means to me
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Connotes the idea that inherently we all have our own definition of respect. But perhaps the perfect definition of respect is found in the words of Laurence Sterne: ‘Respect for ourselves guide our morals, respect for others guide our manners ‘. Respect, in essence is the value we place on ourselves that which translates in our action.

It is not hard to see why respect is so important to our existence. I take this cue from Marilyn Monroe who said: “respect  is one of life’s greatest treasures. I mean, What does it all add up if you don’t have that?”

It is almost ironic that as we grow older that is when we give an appreciative nod to the cultivation of respect in the young.

Shopping for fruits in an unfamiliar market during the day, I selected only the best looking ones which signify quality. In a similar vein, the respect we give to others that signify the quality of our character.

I was curled up in the market as it was pouring buckets outside unexpectedly. There was this tempting desire to step out and dance in the rain barefooted, but I busied myself with the mundane task of scanning through the book titles in the magazine section. That was when I caught sight of the book, the power of respect: benefit from the most forgotten element of success by Deborah Norville.

In her book, she talked of the tangible benefits of respect based on research. Deborah found that showing respect has positive results: In business, showing the proper respect can save about $64 billion dollars by not having to replace professionals and managers who quit because of perceived unfairness. Also, workers have been found to be more creative and enthusiastic about their jobs. In marriage, respect has repaired troubled marriages by helping couples see past their differences and appreciate each other. In school, teachers in school were respect is the standard have reclaimed 17days of teaching time, time that have previously been wasted by writing discipline reports and sending kids to the principal office.

Even though the fast pace nature of today’s society cause us to sometimes overlook the power of respect, let’s consciously remind ourselves that it is what compliment our existence.

Treat people the way you want to be treated. Talk to people the way you want to be talked to. Respect is earned not given. – Hussein Nishah
What is your definition of respect?

FRIENDSHIP: A SWEET RESPONSIBILITY

 As a gaze upon the ebbing sunset while listening to Bruno Mars' song: "count on me", I felt so blessed and thankful for life and for the awesome people around me I can call friends. The lyrics of the song kept echoing in my ears throughout the whole day; and yes friends, true friends are angels without wings, heroes without capes and knights without armours, yet they are as rare as blue roses.

 It was getting dark and I was already missing the coziness of my bed. Walking back into the beach house, I had a keener revelation about friendship like a sudden rush of wisdom, almost like a downpour. When I was little I loved to play in the sand with my friends, we would build castles and pretend to be princes and princesses in 66BC. It was a very carefree time! Being with friends brings back that childhood euphoria. We could fight and argue, but at the end of the day we still remain friends building memories together. As years swing by, whether we see one another or not, it is these memories that keep as close.

The knowledge that we can speak to and seek counsel from our friends about our problems and worries without fear of judgement is as sweet as perfume. There is this ongoing belief that secrets are what hold friendships. I do not appreciate its full validity; but  perhaps, a harsh realisation that we might all have to face is that our friends are friends of other people and it is pretty hard to imagine how we are described and talk of in our absence. I've seen the truth in these words: "true friends are the ones who have nice things to say about you behind your back."

In a world where everyone seems to be living by the motto "scratch my back and I'll scratch yours", true and loyal friends have become rarer. Accepting anyone in to your inner circle should proceed after thorough analysis and evaluation of the person. Now fake friends are as common as air. They are present when conditions are favourable but no where to be found when calamity shows its ugly head.

I was a few more steps to the front door when I stopped to admire the beauty of the freshly trimmed flowers in the garden. Just like a plant needs soil, sunshine and rain to grow, we also need the love, critique and support of friends to develop.


Some friendships do not last but some friends are more loyal than brothers- Proverbs 18: 20
How do you rate your friends?

Still smiling in the dream world...