I recently spoke with a Filipino friend who mentioned he doesn't even know his neighbors. Everyone lives in their own sealed apartment, and the unwritten social contract of checking on one another seems to be gone. When you mention you're new or struggling, the subtle, modern message we often hear is, "Don't bring your burden here." This makes us wonder: Where is the safety net? The true cost of civilization, it often feels like, is the birth of selfishness.
I recall watching an interview with actress Aishwarya Rai, where the interviewer was astonished that she still lives with her extended family. Big house, big family – no need to hire a nanny when a supportive structure is in place. Our modern imperative, however, is "I want my own place, you have to go." This drives us to extremes, such as men calculating relationship expenses, hoping the partner will pay them back in case of a breakup.
This painful lack of a support structure is exactly why a new mother shouldn't have to feel overwhelmed, but so many do. Actress Jennifer Lawrence recently drove this point home, noting that the absence of a community made her first postpartum period "extremely isolating." She speaks for countless women struggling in a society that champions individualism over communal care.
Read the full interview with Jennifer Lawrence here. ← (This text is hyperlinked)
It is no coincidence that depression is on the rise with civilization. What the hell is this "civilization" if it makes us sick? Sometimes, the best advice we can give patients as doctors is simply to encourage them to join a self-help group or Rehabilitation sports—to return to where community still exists.
The most frustrating part is having to make appointments just to see one another. Where is the genuine community in that? You can't just pass by to drop something off. When you truly need something, the act of reaching out becomes an anxiety-filled event: