NAVIGATING THE DEPTHS OF EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE AND DEALING WITH THE VICISSITUDES DURING THIS PANDEMIC

Watching the 2015 animated film, Inside Out was like peering through the depths of emotional intelligence.  For centuries mankind has spared no efforts in finding out the various dimensions of this form of intelligence,  EQ.  The fact that Daniel Goleman's international bestseller 'Emotional Intelliegence' has sold over 5 million copies in 40 different languages proves just that.

gonewiththetwins

Inside out gave a paranomic view of the five core emotions ( Joy, Sadness, Fear,  Anger and Disgust) and how their interplay affects decisions and choices. A teachable lesson from the movie is that every emotion is important and that it is important to get comfortable even with the uncomfortable ones. I have spoken briefly about it in a previous post.  One of the most trying times is navigating emotions following a break-up. You feel all these emotions that are dreaded and yearn for a quick fix. However, it is when you harness and grow out of them, do you see real change. Ultimately, every emotion is "Energy in Motion".

In 1995, Daniel Goleman did propose that emotinal intelligent people have four fundamental capabilities of self- awaressness, self regulation, social awareness and social skils. But, what has really intrigued me about emotionally intelligent people is the fact that they can be very manipulative, yet hardly get manipulated.  Since we all need to know how to spot a user and overall, live in the blissful land of emotional intelligence,  here are 5 steps to achieving that.

Read people
Watch body language, observe and evaluate people's actions and reactions. One thing that most tend to overlook is the fact that reactions are data.

Learn the Fine Art of Communication
Emotionally intelligent people are able to communicate difficult feelings. They don't get irrationally mad with their partners, they say the hard truth in sincerity and love and don't create unnecessary drama. They are assertive and have a laudable ability to listen.

Look at things from a third person view point
Take yourself form the narrative and adress whatever issue you are dealing with as a third party. This detachment allows you to make decisions that are not clouded by emotions. Besides, being skeptical is a good thing. If something sounds to good to be true, then probably it is.

Predict Behaviour, Manage Expectations
The best predictor of future Behavior is past Behavior. Knowing how perosn is likely to act in situation x, y and z, you can better handle expectations. It is best to have low expectations of people; strive to give to yourself,  what you seek for from others, be it vallidation or approval.

Have a Positive Attitude
The key to having a positive attitude is cultivation of positive thoughts. Optimistic individuals do get negative thoughts,  but they quickly replace them with positive ones. Like it is wisely said, a thought precedes an emotion.

          While I am wondering how the heck people are making millions on tiktok during this pandemic, I am tempted to ponder on how others are dealing with the whirlwind collage of emotions. Indeed, this is no time to be hyper- emotional, it is a call for adaptation. It is also a subtle reminder to the 4A's of stress management: avoid,  alter, adapt or accept. De- stress, unwind and find ways of sparkling joy around; put on your fab playlist and have a little dance party. This too shall pass!

          As the sage Lucius Annaeus Seneca said, "If you really want to escape the things that harass you, what you're needing is not to be in a different place but to be a different person".

#Staypositive #Stayhome #Staysafe

THE SUPER SLICK REASON WHY FASHION IS A STATEMENT: AND WHY CORONAVIRUS IS MAKING IT MORE OBVIOUS

It is easy to feel that fashion doesn't affect you. Afterall, what we see on the runway appear more ridiculous and somewhat bizzare. But they are made that way for a purpose; to grab your attention and to make a statement. One way or another, our everyday wear does trickle down from the runway.

Sitting down with my legs stretched outward, hair all pulled up on top of my head, skewered by pins, I looked at the words on my top that read "life is too short to wear boring clothes".

And I couldn't agree more. Even if you are just lounging around in the house, especially during this quarantine period, wear your best clothes.

Fashion has revolved and evolved over the years and continues to do so, but there are some things that remain classic like the Levi jeans, Saint Laurent tuxedo and the Burberry trench.

It is interesting to know that Coco Chanel was the first to begin borrowing her boyfriend's trousers and started wearing them as a fashion statement. She was way ahead of her time! She is one of the motivations behind my recent obsession with Luxury brands. Chanel, Dior, Hermes, Givenchy et. al offer exceptional creativity and longevity.  Without any shrek of doubt, luxury items are investment.

Fashion is a way to look alike, yet it is also a way to stand out. It offers a unique avenue to express our moods, our social positions or even our beliefs. Evidently, the met gala remains a fortitude for the biggest names in fashion to put on a true spectacle of dazzle. From Rihanna's 2015 yellow dress by Guo Pei to Kim Kardashian's 2019 skintight Maison Mugler corset, the world of fashion always has something to say.

So dare to make a bold statement with your fashion! Participate in these fun dress- up challenges sprouting up during this social distancing period: the pants off challenge, the pillow dress challenge, the trash costume trend and whatever new ones coming up. Happy yourself while killing time during this quarantine!
I actually saw a plus size woman of colour wearing a top with the inscriptions "I already have corona", and boy o' mine, laughter spontaneously escaped from my mouth. "You go girl, coronavirus can't get you", I said in betweeen my bouts of laughter.

NewsDay24, Fortune.com

Truth be told, I am pretty sure that wearing of face masks would very much become a trend even after this pandemic. With rappers spuring out juicy lyrics in the studio while wearing face masks (mimicking the likes of Future and Travis Scott), to beauty gurus filling our feeds with the different colour cordinations of face masks with everyday wear, and finally it becoming a dominant accessory on the runway.  In fact, the 2020 Paris fashion week showed models wearing outfits complete with matching face masks.

As we make our diy face masks, let's continue to follow the WHO guidelines. This crisis would surely pass!  Keep hope alive, for there is light despite the darkness.

THE RARE BEAUTY OF NEW LIFE

It was genuinely a delight to see how Maleficient rose from the ashes, turning into a phoenix- dragon to end the war. The Phoenix is an ancient creature that periodically is born again. It symbolises renewal and resurrection.

You can probably tell that I have been binge watching lots of movies and that I can narrate to you the perfect alternate ending to most. But what you probably can't tell is the soul-searching that came with it.

You see, the perfect example of resurrection is found in the Easter story. Jesus was hung on the cross, then died. He was buried, and he was raised from the dead on the third day. This goes to show the rare beauty of new life.

These are strange times for all of us. While we cannot gather in churches, we can all celebrate in our little conrners. Truly, the digital media has created a universe where we can connect with one another without being physically present. As we are practicing social distancing, let's spread love and joy through our virtual communities.

Praying for a return to more normal time. Happy Easter!!!

GOSSIP CHILD 2

Sasha and Julia became quick friends despite their 20- something age gap and were literally tied up at the waist. It was near Impossible to spot one without seeing the other. As usual, they went shopping, came back and droped their purchases on the bed, to be sorted out later.

Just then, a light skin guy with curly blonde hair stepped into the room after jumping through the windows. He was wearing a Navy blue T- shirt and a form fitting jeans which gave him a youthful charm. Like an expert inamorato, he started carressing Julia right infront of 9 year old Sasha. He was her secret lover and once upon a time high school sweetheart.  "Go join Grandma and the others in the kitchen", said Julia.

GREED VS COMPASSION: IN THE WAKE OF THE CORONAVIRUS

When the president announced the sudden lock down,  the whole nation went into a state of frenzy. With no clear understanding of what the term meant, the purpose was defeated even before it started.

The lockdown or cordon sanitaire is an area where no one can enter or leave, mainly aimed to stop the infection speading outside the city. Any imported cases are then dealt with through isolation and treatment. This is what was done around Wuhan and the neighboring cities causing their number of cases to plummet to zero. However,  It was the direct opposite in this country. People were fleeing like drones to the areas exempted from the lockdown. Belive you me, I am still trying to fathom the psychology of my people. But afterall, every man for himself, right?

The decision to have a lockdown would have been perfect if not for the few predictable flaws. Among them being the lack of intense public education right from the genesis and the apparent lack of forecast into the economic stability. These serve as the breeding ground for the most ostentatious atrocities.

Over night, Items were being sold for more than 3 times their initial price and the markets were chocked.  What could be bought to feed a family of ten could now only feed five.  The traders had become prey to their own bizarre and competely selfish desires and somewhat misguided ambitions of wealth, falling into the bottomless pit of greed. It is like they just woke up as different creatures. Their evidently bright plan is to make the year's profit in the short lockdown period. As the wise man Rusty Eric once said, "As long as greed is stronger than compassion,  there would always be suffering".

It is amusing how these same people can sit back and talk of corruption by the leaders with impunity. I found truth in the saying that we always criticise the things in other peple that we fear most in ourselves. Yet another staggering revelation is that some people with COVID- 19 spontaneously fancy moving into this country.  They've been using unapproved routes and smuggling themselves in pin- sized cargo. For goodness sake, where is the compassion?!

Globally, there are over 700, 000 confirmed cases of coronavirus infection.  Yes, the figures are frightening and petrifying causing one to shake(not the good kind). But this one too shall pass. As long as there is hope, there is a way. We live on a blue planet that circles around a ball of fire next to a moon that moves the sea, and you don't believe in miracles?

Let's remember to be kind to one another,  be compassionate and remember the power of community.

With love,
Elizabeth.

OVERSHARING, OVERCORRECTION AND OVERCOMPENSATION

Wait, what?!

When I showed him those private nessages, I inherently regreted in an instant. I was so determined to prove a point, like a lion looking for his dinner, that I divulge to him the must nots. Yet, the relationship remained more slime and sleaze than I could ever imagine. I started bombarding him with messages and calls with the aim of reestablishing a broken connection.  Speak of over compensation!

Over compensation is going to the gym and trying to lift a 100kg when you can only lift 50kg. Overcompensation is striving feverishly to fit in socially that you appear awkward. According to the merriam- webster dictionary,  over compensation is excessive reaction to a feeling of inferiority,  guilt or inadequacy leading to an exaggerated attempt to overcome the feeling. It can sometimes be counterproductive.

You are going to run into people who don't deserve to get to know you on a certain level.  Vulnerability needs to be earned and trust needs to be built.  In one of my posts, I talked of how you crush when you rush in friendship and basically relationships in general. Let your conversations and dealings with others be seasoned with moderation.  You don't have to share everything.

It is amazing how people can share so much about their lives online when in  real life they won't dare do that. Some showing evidence of their apparent best life, pda filled relationships, glamour filled fashion, fierce workouts, botched and seemingly perfect surgeries and misleading advertisement. A lot of it is just smoke and mirrors. It has created this phenomenon where people end up comparing the different chapters of their lives  with those of others, which is unhealthy.

Once an authoritative yet misogynistic teacher gave a female student 12 strong lashes that tore through the bare fleshy skin, because the student stepped  out to the hostel during class hours. He didn't even bother to find out the absolutely valid reason the student went out in the first place. Overcorrection can come in so many spectrums. It is trying so hard to make something right that you go overboard. For instance, when your previous wife doesn't want children and you marry another then have a gazilion babies that you cannot adequately take care of. No need for name calling here.

Be winning in real life and not just on social media; be present, be content, be respectful of  boundaries; be moderate and don't let the actions of others determine your character.  Like a Latin proverb says, too much of anything is bad. Eating is great for the body, however,  delightful over indulgence in even the favorites: chocolates,  donuts, wine, ecetera could lead to obesity. So why don't you evaluate the areas that you are literally going overboard.

WHY SILENCE IS NOT ALWAYS GOLDEN

I used to be mute... it feels weird to even say that now. Lately, I have allowed myself to be assertive. That was not the story before. I guess I wanted to be seen as an angel; not offending anyone; treading so gently so not to hurt a fly. Some ended up interpreteding my kind and considerate manners as a sign of fear. Little did they know they were in for a surprise.

Sometimes, people intentionally test you, to know how far they can go with disrespecting you. When someone says or does something that hurt you, say something. Let them know right there that what they did or said isn't right. Don't overthink it! No one is that important to hold a wholesale department in your mind, speak up and be free. The truth of the matter is that people notice these subtle things and conclude on the level of respect to give you. "So and so did this to her and she didn't say anything,  she must be a weakling". Simply put, it gives people room to take advantage of you. It is better to be called defensive than a weakling.

If you are upset about a situation,  evaluate whether it is worth bringing it up with the person that you are upset with or not. If it isn't worth it, get over it. The hallmark of emotional maturity is the ability to speak up or move on, no in- betweens. Passive aggression and hyperemotion doesn't work. It just makes you look child- like in an adult environment.

The fact is that you can be assertive without being rude, regardless of who you are dealing with, whether boss, ceo or president. It is called the classy or corporate clapback. There are also people who are constantly rude to you, belittling you and always fault finding; for such people even after speaking up, never be friendly with them. It only gives them leeway to wriggle back with there B.S.  Such behavior could be coming from a co- worker or colleague. Be cordial,  straightforward, but not friendly. Let there be a boundary between you two.

What an interesting time this is, to sit with our feelings and have a reality check.  No one is born assertive, it is a skill you have to learn and practise daily. Not speaking up and being silent, in essence means tolerating B.S. and  what you tolerate,  you promote.  Silence is not always golden.

PREDICT THE UNPREDICTABLE: IN THE WAKE OF THE CORONAVIRUS

When we were told to self- quarantine in the wake of the coronavirus, I was in a rollercoaster of emotions. It was not just the sudden torrential disruption of activities, but the eerie circumstances that showed how unpredictable predictability is. Then it dawned on me like brilliant clairvoyance, predict the unpredictable.

Our political landscape is full of bigotry and corruption,  revolting nepotism and hidden neo-colonialization, rigidly crafted malicious policies and annoying pomposity of the leaders. Nonetheless, there is a caveat. Isn't it sardonic and enthralling that when we look at the works of the previous leaders, we realise that they were not so abysmal afterall? It is like a meteriote, the beauty of its hitting the earth surface, is certainly not instantaneous.

This pandemic needs eagle- eyed leadership; not lies, shrouded agenda, and smart ways of hoarding money. It calls for collaboration,  analysis and preparedness. Our leaders need to predict the unpredictable and have their full armour on, come what may and inevitably, so do we.

This momentarily shriek of a stunt by SARS- COV2 has brought on a certain dimension of human living that is baffling and bewildering. The great tissue shortage and  panic stockpiling of hand sanitizers, the dread is almost primal. I am sure as hell that the coronavirus is peering down humanity like a chessmaster savouring checkmate before the kill. But then he should not be too cocky, we've got arsenals up our sleeves. What he predicted afterall has an expiry date. So cheers to man for already winning the battle!

Coronavirus or not, the good things in store would manifest. What is meant to be will always find a way!