WHY FRIENDSHIP IS JUST LIKE DATING

When I first came aross the concept of dating your friends, I was boodazled.  Over the years, like peeling the layers of an onion, I have come to appreciate it. I have always known that friendship is a responsibility: looking out for another, caring, being reliable and loyal to another. The question is: who are you ready to take up that responsibility for? Just like dating,  we come up with a list of must- haves and deal-breakers.

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Observing people's behaviour has actually forced me to search for the beauty in diverse life events. I was enjoying an Iced tea in a particularly popular restaurant when I recognised a familiar face from a distance. Mandy arrived at a reserved table a little after six forty- five. Seconds later, a slim five feet seven inches lady joined her. They talked so much a about nothing.  It was when I caught glimpse of the ultrasound scan could I explain the inexplicable joy that had catapultated the atmosphere. She was even yet to share the news with her husband.  There are friends whom you've been through it all with and see your joy as their joy. This was perfectly capture by the raptuous display of elation by Miss Nigeria when Miss Jamica won the Miss world.  The intimacy of their friendship made me ponder on the gazillion ways friendship is just like dating.

MEETING
Stage one of both friendship and dating is meeting. This could be at the bookclub, church, sports event, class, airplane, ecetera. Somehow, the forces of the universe and perfect timing cause you to meet. Sometimes from the first encounter you notice a spark. Othertimes, it takes several encounters to notice the spark or attraction. One way or another, you keep in touch and this takes you to stage two, the getting to know each other.

KNOWING EACH OTHER 
You arrange to hang out, do fun activities together and enjoy the company of one another. In so doing, you get to know about their background,  their beliefs, their level of integrity, their morals, their character and flaws. You check the list and evaluate the staus of the relationship. In essence, you ascertain whether you want to get closer to this person or not, just like dating.

DEVELOPING TRUST
Proverbs 17 vs 17 says a friend loves at all times. The best proof of love is trust. Trust is fundamental for building emotional intimacy. Does he do what he says he would do? Is the conversation going beyond small talk? Is there respect? Are you able to talk about your feelings and problems without fear? Is the giving and taking at the same wavelength?
If answers to these are positive,  then there is likely trust. In friendship just like dating, trust takes time to build.

BREAK- UP
Break- ups are painful and confusing; occuring for a myriad of reasons. Often we become too complacent and don't put in the effort. There is no reciprocity of love, time and energy or you simply grow apart.  Sometimes distance and silence does the talking causing the relationship to die. Other times you got to blatantly cut them off because they become toxic.
This dynamic happens in both dating and friendship.  But the willingness to work through conflicts, misunderstandings and hurt feelings makes all the difference. Not all end up in break- up.

IF YOU RUSH, YOU CRASH
Everyone need not be your best friend. That is a close and unique relationship. In the same vein, not all dates would end up In boyfriend/ girlfriend status or even marriage. The fact is that when you jump the stages, you crash.
Imagine, faling out with your friend and having them tell your business to other people.
Imagine being emotionally attached to someone, only to realise they are indifferent about you. This happens all too often because we want to jump the stages.

●The difference between the two is that dating is a romantic one.  The truth is that the relationships that start off as friendship have a solid foundation.

Still smiling in the dreamworld...
With love,
Liz.

TRY SLEEPING WITH A BROKEN HEART

As she waited at the gate, she scrolled through instagram and  thought of  how amazing her summer had been. Somehow, 2 months in Sydney seemed not to have been enough. The Australian weather had been miraculously cleansing!  It was roughly 45 minutes until boarding and she was ecstatic about meeting her family and friends back at home. To be honest, she was totally missing my boyfriend. They had tried to keep in touch everyday, however, somedays she rarely heard from him. That was so untypical of him.

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"Hi Helena,  how was your plane ride?", said Jeff. They drove for an hour in silence. There was literally no sign of excitement on his face. When they did arrive at their shared apartment, Jeff helped her take her luggage out of the trunk. They talk about everything and about nothing.

Friends came over in the evening and they threw a party comparable to only that of the rich and famous. Loud music threatened to perforate their eardrums and alcohol was spilt all over. The next day, Helena went to visit her family at the other end of town. She was showered with so much love that it was infact suffocating.
Things came back to normal pretty quickly as they geared back into their regular rotine. However, the spark that had first characterised their romance had vanished into smoke. They compensated that with excessive lovemaking. Yet, it felt odd and out of place.

"Bae, could you get the popcorn." She said. He brought two large bags full of popcorn, sat down and wrapped his arms around her. His phone kept on ringing but he was not picking up. "Aren't you going to get that?".  Helena became really uncomfortable and picked up his phone when it rung the again. It was another girl calling. "Who is Veronica?". What followed the question was deafening silence.
"We need to talk".  He was overwhelmed by guilt and in sheer stupidity, he confessed to cheating on helena. "Why? Was I not enough for you", she said. "How long has this cheating been going on?". "Almost 2 months".

She was fuming and could not bear the sight of him. "How can you even look at me. It's Over! Get out!".

She locked the door, coiled herself into a corner of the rooom and cried her heart out. She tossed and pulmetted on her bed a thousand times but sleep evaded her. She had never felt pain as excruciating as this one. She tried but couldn't sleep with a broken heart.

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.Still smiling in the dream world...

ELEGANCE IS AN ATTITUDE

After spending one too many hours glancing through pictures of models and reading about the weirdest beauty tips in pretty much a pile of ancient magazines, I realised how fluctuating beauty standards have been over the years. As sipped my iced tea, I recounted these famous words of Audrey Hepburn, "Elegance is the only beauty that never fades". While superficial aesthetically pleasing features may not stay the same, elegance radiates and lives longer. It is more than external presentation, it is an attitude.

In psychology, attitude has three components that are represented in the ABC model as: A for affect(emotions), B for behaviour(actions) and C for cognition(mind). Elegance being an attitude means that it is beauty of the mind, emotions and actions. Hence, it comes from inside to the outside. Elegance denotes traits of inner beauty such as manners, grace, respect, kindness, simplicity, refinement, wisdom and maturity. It is, thus, not surprising that the famous Swiss luxury Watch brand Longines has its slogan as "Elegance is an Attitude".

Some say elegance opens doors of opportunitities. Looking at the lives of elegant women like Aishwarya Rai, Princess Mary of Denmark, Kate Middleton, Michelle Obama, just to name to few, I couldn't help but conquer with this saying. Elegance makes one look feminine, attractive and matured. It exudes classiness! Elegance says I am growned, not grownish; matured, not childish. Elegance creates this aura that invites the right kind of atttention and the right kind of people to one's life.

I particularly enjoy watching classic movies like Princess diaries, Anastasia and My fair lady. One thing I have learnt from these is that elegance can be learnt. It starts by having the right mindset, and having the right thoughts. Earl Nightinhale once said that "the the human mind is the last great unexplored continent on earth. It contains riches beyond our wildest dreams. It will return annything we want to plant". In essence, for beauty of emotions, cultivate beauty of the mind by having the right thoughts. Like they say, " a thought precedes an emotion".

Indeed, in my fair lady Cockney had Proffesor Henry guiding her and in Princess Diaries, Mia had Queen Clarisse giving her princess lessons. However, not having access special ettiquette lessons should not be a hindrance. From the Bandura philosophy, we learn by observing and imitating. Begin by selecting one or two elegant people, observe who they interact and accord dignity to everyone around. By doing so, you harness the beauty of your actions.

Although elegance is innate, it is important to note that appaearance communicates something. To be elegant, you have to look and feel the part. Work on your posture, accessorise strategically and dress appropriately. In effect, elegance is being the best version of yourself each and every single day.

While I pulled clothes out of my closet and dresser drawers, lyrics of Enya's "Orinoco Flow" echoed from a vintage music box sitting at the corner of the room. A few minutes later, I slipped into my floaty dress which stops just above the knee, touched up my red MAC lipstick,  picked up by crossbody bag, donned La Grande Classique de Longines and whispered HELLO ELEGANCE!

With love,
Elizabeth.

Still smiling in the dreamworld...

THE REALIST ADJUSTS THE SAIL

Her divorce was made so public that she felt ashamed to step out of her own house. Every single person had an opinion to share. The reasons for the divorce had been fabricated in a thousand ways by complete strangers. In a split second, she had become a public ridicule.

She could have been downcast, buckled up all her neagtive emotions or simply hope for the best without doing anything. But she decided to change her fate. She left to a different country where she did her masters and  became a renowned tv host.

Later, she found the man of her dreams with whom she had children with. That is not all. She went back to her country and become the minister for foreign affairs. Four years later, she became the country's first female president.

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Aries' story was quite similar. She had invested too much in the relationship that she felt leaving was not an option; eventhough all the red flags were present.

He proposed to her and despite her gut feeling telling her to say no, she said yes. The engagement made her feel as if she had achiedved something from their 5 year long relationship. But her instincts were telling her a different thing.

As hard as it might have been, she broke off the engagement. Now, she is self sufficient independent lady who at the age of 35, finally found her soulmate. It was a match made in heaven.

Photo by Liam Pozz on Unsplash

These stories carry a message that is worth sharing. Wikkiam A. Ward once said, " the pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails." Complaining gets you nowhere. In the same vein, simply hoping or wishing for the best, gets you nowhere.

These women changed the narrative to their favour by adjusting their sails. And they are realists! Realists see things for what they truly are and deal with them in a practical way. So many times in life, we tend to identify ourselves with certain circumstances, instead of moving on.

Now is the time to be a realist!

Xx,
Liz.

Still smiling in the dream world...

Stand By Me 4

Chapter 4: Picture Perfect

Leila's raven locks were styled into glamorous waves that tumbled over her shoulders, and the glittering white dress perfecly accentuated her large breasts, wide hips and tiny waist that had first caught Dave's eye. She looked sensational with her elegant make-up, gold statement earings and a pair of towering rose gold high heels. Looking preened to perfection, she admired her 36ft elaborate veil which featured Dave's full name and date of day they first met. Beyond bursting with happiness, Leila recalled the romantic way Dave proposed to her at the Eiffel Towers while they were on vacation in Paris. Dave was equally ecstatic as he waited in the church for his bride.

Leila and her father had an animated chat as they drove to the church in the Rolls Royce Phantom V1. She walked down the aisle with unsurpassed grace and her father handed her off. Dave litterally started crying the moment he saw his bride. Leila's bridesmaids and her maid of honour, her sister Mimi were all dressed in custom pale pink dresses with floral designs. Moments after saying 'I do' and exchanging their platinum weeding rings, the newly weds were busy with posing for their official wedding pictures.

At the reception, there all kinds of gastromic delights and a massive seven- tiered cake with classic white frosting and real roses. Father and daughter twirled around the dance floor singing their favourite song. The ceremony was MAGICAL!

After one year of marriage,  she was already carrying a baby bump, which she delighted in styling with stunning maternity dresses; while juggling wifey duties and her career. Dave had to quit his high paying job to take over the reigns of leadership of his family's empire.

She started feeling light contractions as she was grocery shopping. The contractions gradualy became more frequent and painful, she called her husband to book a birthing suite. Ten minutes after they reached the hospital, the baby was coming. The obstetrician barely had their to put his glove on before the baby was born. Every aspect of the delivery was natural and perfect and she received a flurry of visitors afterwards.

Two years later, they had another baby to celebrate. As they were building their family in their little corner of paradise, they opted to adopt Selena's gorgeous baby who was five years old at that time.  Their 20, 000 sq ft mansion overlooking the ocean and mountain had a sprawling kitchen, a massive dinning hall, spa, an olympic size pool and other stellar amenities. They constantly had friends and family over.

Throughout the roller coaster journey of life, they remained strong as a family growing each day in love.
Fairytales do happen~

Still smiling in the dream world...

SILENCE IS A CONVERSATION

The birds were chirping softly, the trees were almost touching the sky, the sunlight sparkled through the canopy of leaves tracing an intricate pattern on the ground and the soil felt moist and crispy beneath my feet. It was pure bliss! In the silence of the moment, I reflected upon my choices and decisions made earlier.  It was almost as if the silence reflected my reality in a different picture, a picture of reasoning. It was at that moment that I came to the epiphany that silence is power.

The magic of solitude and silence is that it gives you the time to watch, think and listen to the world around you. Rightly did Francis Bacon say, " silence is the sleep that nourishes wisdom." This automatic conversation you start having with yourself, when there is silence, ultimately gives a sense of direction and purpose.

I have been on dates where I have talked so much because I dread the awkward silence that spontaneously erupts. But, Communication is a two way process: one is speaking and the other half is listening. And interwoven between the two is Silence. That silence that so many people feel uncomfortable with, has answers. When you pause in your conversation, embracing the silence, you are able to reflect a bit deeper. Your responses tend to show a blend of wisdom and maturity.

When the message you are trying to convey is important, you can't go wrong with having a few silent pauses. This can be so invaluable in business.

Silence is indeed golden. It is one of the best ways of dealing with the not-so-pleasant people in our lives. Not answering gets the message across. Silence means please leave me the heck alone. As Mandy Hale said, " don't waste words on people who deserve your silence.  Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is nothing at all."

Xx,
Liz

Still smiling in the dream world...